Sunday, February 14, 2010

It's Relief

I’m not quite sure when the turning point came. But I know that it came after a fight I had with my mother. It was a typical fight at that point of time. You know how it is, you lie once, and then they all start to pile up. And nothing happens evenly, it’s always all at once. At that point of time I drifted apart from my mother, and my best friends, whom I needed to turn to, were angry with me. That’s where I learned my second lesson, the first is not to lie and the second is never keep your feelings hidden. That’s what my friends did, and when I found out, it was too late. Being a teenager is really hard as I often go through stressful moments.

My house was a battle zone. I’d sleep till I had to go to school and then after school I would lock myself in my room. In between, I’d cry and feel sorry for myself, when I wasn’t fighting with my mom. That day it all changed.

She was screaming at me about how I wasn’t a part of the family anymore- that no one liked being around me because I was always so hostile. I screamed back, as most sixteen year olds would. But my mom doesn’t me ground me or take away the phone, she assigns essays. My assignment was to apologise for my behaviour.

I cried tears of rage in my room, screaming on what I could possibly write. Somehow I started to write. And the apology turned in to an explanation. I poured out every pain and emotion, ones that I had hidden behind my rage, the ones I cried about during the night. I didn’t know how to get back being me, and I hated what I had become. I felt so lost. And, most of all, I felt like everyone that I had depended on me had left me. Feeling of alone conquered me.

I left the letter on my mom’s bed and went to sleep, exhausted form sobbing. The next morning I woke up early enough to go to school by myself as no one was awake yet. I crept into the bathroom and noticed a card with my name written on it in my mother’s handwriting taped to the mirror. She understood that I was lost and scared. And she promised that she would help me. I got into the hot shower, silently sobbing. This time, the tears were of relief, not of despair.
=) Korrisha

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